A reflection by Dixie Leathers –
The invitation for someone to share their Maundy Thursday reflections keeps nagging at me. I want to do it; but, I don’t want to do it. As I ponder this task, the words of the song There is a Balm in Gilead keep playing over and over in my head. “If you cannot preach like Peter, if you cannot pray like Paul, you can tell the love of Jesus, and say ‘He died for all'”.
Maundy Thursday…
We gather Thursday night of Holy Week (just as we usually do regularly on Wednesday nights) for dinner, for a family night dinner. We are again around the table together sharing a meal. We laugh, we talk, we share the news of the week, we name those among us who need special prayers. We share all of this as a family, our church family.
At 7PM, we move to the other side of the partition that has divided our family night room space in half. On this side of the partition, the lights are dimmed. The Tenebrae candles are all lit. Chairs are in a circle. We each can see all of us. We are quiet. The mood has changed.
We are seated around a table. The table has been prepared for sharing communion. At some point in the service, we will share “the body and the blood of Christ” with each other…each one serving the other. Jesus begins to speak to us through the reading of scripture…as He spoke to his beloved disciples. (He really loved those men. They do not know this, but these happen to be His last words to his “family of disciples”… the ones who knew him best.)
As each scripture selection is read, one of the Tenebrae candles is extinguished. (My heart begins to beat a little faster. I know what is coming. Why did his disciples not see? What stood in their way? They have been His best buddies for a good while. He has shared a lot with them. But then, I ask myself, “Why do I not see?” It does make me feel a little better knowing they did not see and they were actually with Him!)
We have paused. We are still, each with our own thoughts, laying our cares at Jesus’ feet. As scripture is read we hear such words as dust, light, see, ask, deny, bread, water, treasure, forgiven, forsaken, peace, wept, serve, betray, Abba. We hear Jesus ask that this cup be taken from Him. We hear Jesus cry out, “My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me!” (Jesus knows he is going to die. He is going to die for me, for the “all of me” that no one else knows. My heart is in my throat. Jesus knows “all of me” yet He loves me. He loves ALL people, not just me! “Red and yellow, black and white; they are precious in His sight.” He loves ALL of us unconditionally. Do I really love ALL of us? Do I love unconditionally? It sounds so simple. Why is it so hard?)
Candles continue to be extinguished one by one. The room becomes dark. My heart is full. I look around the room. I am remembering the heavy loads my friends have carried, are carrying, since we last met like this. What did I give to them? I am guilty of not caring enough. In this moment I want to give all of myself, to love all of God’s people. God so loved the world, He gave His only son; His ONLY son for me! What then happens when we turn the lights on? I do not want the lights on. I am bearing my soul. I want to linger in this moment asking for forgiveness for all of the times I have not…”Father, forgive me.” “Love so amazing, so divine demands my soul, my life, my all”. Amen.
There is no candle light now. The symbolic pieces have all been taken away. The Christ Candle has been extinguished. We have been stripped down. We are left with only ourselves. We pause. Then, ever so quietly, one by one we leave this space, each one carrying their own thoughts, their cares, their burdens. Carrying the words spoken and unspoken; we have emptied ourselves at Jesus feet.
Maundy Thursday service prepares me. Prepares me for the JOY that Easter brings. I am ready.